I am truthfully happy to say that on June 8th I'll be turning 21 years old! Turning 21 in the US is a big milestone as it means your legal to drink but for me turning 21 is a different kind of milestone.
Why 21 is a big deal for me
I've never really been a yay it's my birthday kind of person. I used to hate my birthdays as I grew up in a really abusive, and oppressive household so my birthday was usually just another day.
During my teens I was extremely depressed, had terrible anxiety, was bullied on the down-lowfor being different, and hardly ever ate as I was told I had to be skinny or else nobody would love me. People kind of assumed I had a great life as I did well in school, wore nice clothes, was always smiling, had a great boyfriend, and was 'attractive'. I had friends I was close to but nobody really that I could confide in what was really happening in my life.
I was so sad that I wanted to die but my now-fiance kept telling me "it will get better it just takes time". It always felt like whenever life took one step forward I would be forced to take two steps back.
So why is turning 21 so important to me? Because I made it out alive.
How People Treat You Is A Reflection Of How They Are Not Who You Are
I look back at how unhappy I was, and I see that in no way could I control how badly people treated me but that I decide what happens to me. Just like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". So I stopped consenting, and fought back because I would be the one who has to live with, well, the way I live.
It was so hard to stop letting bad things impact me so much, and listening to destructive things that people had to say but I eventually did. I pushed myself to do better in school, moved out of my parents house, worked multiple jobs throughout high school/university, removed the toxic people from my life, and focused on making my life happier.
I started doing yoga to connect with myself, mediated every afternoon to calm my anxiety, read biographies to learn from the mistakes of others, and apologised to every person I knowingly hurt. I focused on the truths of my life, and promised myself that I would do rightly me even if others wouldn't.
Now at (nearly) 21 years of age, I've graduated university as a Deans scholar of my university, planning my wedding to someone who loves me, saving up to get a house, have a great group of best friends, am surrounded by supportive people, co-own my own company with my fiancé, and work full-time at another company that I genuinely love going to work every day.
But out of everything that has happened in my life, the hardest thing I ever had to do was let myself live when I wanted to die.
So in a few days I'll be turning 21, and I'm proud of myself for making it through it all.
For my actual birthday, Albon has organised us to get a couples massage, rejuvenation facials, lunch at The Grounds, shopping for my birthday jewellery (he gives me a new piece of jewellery every birthday along with my other gifts), dinner with our whole group at Darling Harbour, and then we're staying in a hotel in the city.
Then at 10am on the 9th we'll be flying out to Los Angeles, and New York where we'll be until the 24th. I'm extremely grateful to his family who have gifted us this whole holiday to celebrate my birthday, and I'm so happy that I'm finally happy.
A Gentle Reminder
I just wanted to let anyone that's in a bad place right now to know that yes life is really hard, and at times it may seem like it won't get any better but it does.
It does take time for things to improve, and once it does you'll be grateful that you kept going. Just rid yourself of toxic people as it allows more room for those who will love you, and support you, and be there for you even if life gets you down. Don't let people treat you like trash because it is a reflection of who they are, not who you are. People will hurt others to try fill a void they have inside, and try make themselves feel better by trying to make you feel worse.
Just remember that you are beautiful, and have the capacity to love, and be loved.